After nearly three weeks far-removed from the day-to-day life as an actor in LA, I thought, or, assumed, that upon my return to sunny So Cal, I’d be re-charged, energized and ready to take the town by storm….
Ok, so maybe that’s more in the movies I aspire to be in, but definitely not in reality. I came back, exhausted, jet-lagged, out of it, and with a big, fat cold. Fun times! But, this was a good lesson for me. I naively thought that going away would make coming back a new beginning, a fresh start. That I’d suddenly look at the long list of casting breakdowns and nudity requireds with a smile on my face, happily clicking away at all the ones “fit for me”. That I’d magically have money in my oft-empty bank account to sign up for that improv and scene study class I’d been reluctant to take prior to my travels. That I’d excitedly reply to all the emails sittin’ in my inbox and set up coffee dates and lunch meetings and production talks for all the possible collaborations and future play/movie/grand artistic plans to take over the world ideas. No, no and… nope.
But of course! Why would this week be any different from three weeks ago? It shouldn’t. The career didn’t stop. So it wasn’t about to suddenly start the moment I got back. It’s like when therapists warn you not to move to a new city to escape a problem. You wont get a fresh start; your problems will follow you wherever you go. And not that me pursuing acting is a problem, it’s just… the things that are challenging about it will remain challenging until my attitude changes, not simply because I was away for three weeks and now I’m back. I’ve never particularly liked looking through breakdowns, so why would I now? And the other thing is, it’s okay that there are these challenges. It’s okay that I don’t like all of it. It’s okay to be a little, well, negative. Of course I try to stay positive on this blog, but I’d be giving a very inaccurate depiction of pursuing acting in LA if I didn’t, also, show the hard stuff. The days when I’m like BLAH. Or, saying, I give up, let’s do something else. These are all healthy, normal thoughts of fear. Plain and simple.
So, here I am. Back from a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Israel and an always fun time in San Francisco, and I’m ready to jump back in. I’m not thrilled about it. I’m not necessarily re-energized. But that’s just where I’m at right now. I’m as ready as I was before I left and that’s ready enough…