Archive | October, 2014

Opportunity to Fail

24 Oct

IMG_6196I’m writing because I have to write. Not because I have a specific idea for a post. Or because I have anything in particular to get off my chest. For months now I’ve thought, guiltily, about this blog floating around the interwebs all lonely without a post since MARCH. I felt guilty because I was letting myself down. Because I told myself I’d mark my acting progress along the way and I stopped. I kept thinking about how I should write but never knew what to write. Or I kept feeling like I had nothing worthy to write. Or, I’d think -gasp- that I should just scrap the blog altogether.

And then it hit me– I just have to DO it. I love writing. I love acting. And with both writing and acting and pretty much all of the arts you can’t just sit around and wait for someone to offer you a gig or for inspiration to strike– you just gotta DO IT. Like they call Yoga a practice (which reminds me I’ve gotta get back on that). Or gratitude a practice. I think it’s the same with writing, and acting for that matter. You have to keep doing it to form that habit. It does require a little bit of effort, but once you’re on that track boy does it feel good. So. Here I am, writing. I don’t know what I have to say but I’m gonna work it out as I navigate all my thoughts in this public forum!

Here’s the thing, it’s not like I haven’t had stuff to write about. I booked my first TV gig as a nurse on Sex Sent Me to the ER. It was a blast to shoot. Then I booked my first national commercial, for Honda, which is now running! I joined a local playwright reading group Playground LA which had our first staged reading the other week. I have an incredible new job where I get to perform pretty much every day and when I’m not I get to work with kids. I have a kick-ass manager who is supportive and helpful. Not to mention my amazing friends & family, awesome apartment in the heart of Silverlake, my two kitties. Things are good. So what’s the problem?

Sometimes I don’t recognize all that I’ve accomplished and therefore feel unsuccessful and, of course, doubt my career choice. Or, I do see what I’ve accomplished and feel like it’s not enough. Or (and maybe this is the most accurate) now that I have had some tangible actor “wins” (TV booking, national commercial, etc) I’m afraid of what’s next. More possibility for failure. More unknowns. And, maybe scariest of all, more success. I DID succeed and it’s scary because it means I CAN do this which means I should KEEP GOING. I don’t have the excuse that it’s impossible to book a gig because I did. I don’t have the excuse that I can’t get representation because I did. In fact, none of my excuses work anymore. And that’s terrifying because now the only thing holding me back, in case it wasn’t clear before, is ME!

honda fit still

My First National Spot!

So I guess this post is a reminder to myself (and anyone out there reading) to get out of your own way. Give yourself the opportunity to fail. And thereby giving yourself the opportunity to succeed.