Archive | September, 2011

More Fun with Female Breakdowns

19 Sep

30, a rundown whore, thin, bony and pale with a chipped front tooth, in a fine selection of goodwill chic topped of with cowboy boots and an oversized purse. Mel is certainly not the Vegas type whore; for her it almost seems as if she made a conscious choice pursuing her ‘career’.  She is not a drug wreck, but she is skinny and pale, smoking and drinking like a sailor. She may or may not have severe health issues (she is coughing really bad and has a rash on her face…not sure if it’s her lifestyle or if her health is on the line). Aside all that she is sort of cute in her very own ways.

(yay, more whores! but she’s a unique whore because she’s certainly not the Vegas type. and, besides, “aside from all that she is sort of cute” so it makes it all okay. yay!)

A young girl 18-25 years of age (ethnicity open) to play the femme fetale of the film. The girl we seek is a young luminous Angelina Jolie type. We need someone so beautiful it would be believable she could lure two lifelong friends to become enemies.

(believe it or not, I’ve actually read this same character description MANY times- “so beautiful” to make friends become enemies. what does that even mean? and is beauty really our only asset? ok, and stepping off my soap box…)

Lead / Female / African American, Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, Ethnically Ambiguous / 18 – 22
**PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND ONLY SUBMIT IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH** LEGAL 18+ A sexy, barely legal, like girl. Precocious teenager. Three way kissing as well as- kissing breast. No Nudity.

(well at least there’s no nudity, right? just, “kissing breast”)

Lead / Female / All Ethnicities /18 – 30
Lesbian stripper Femme Fatale

(love it- straight and to the point)

Lead / Female / Caucasian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern / 20 – 35 / Nudity / Sexual Situations
A Young Innocent Nun working at a church. When her sister gets murdered she is convinced that she is responsible to find out the murderer. She leaves the church and becomes a bartender at a strip club where her sister used to work at to find out the details of her sister’s murder. *SEXUAL SITUATIONS/NUDITY: She has one scene where she dances topless for the club owner in order to get a job there. She has one explicit sex scene with a guy (suspect). Topless shown from front and full back nudity, She has one scene where she dances topless with another girl on stage and she makes out with her. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE WITH EVERYTHING …

(do you know how many variations to this character there are in the daily breakdowns? girl-next-door-turned-stripper, high-school-teacher-turned-whore, but you gotta love young-innocent-nun-turned-topless-dancer!)

Lead / Female / All Ethnicities /18 – 30
We need a very hot, sexy girl to sell paint. It is a commercial, there is no dialogue.

(because hot sexy girls can sell anything! yes, even paint! I once saw this great ad selling tile flooring and it was a naked woman with two tiles covering her boobs. awesome.)

Supporting / Female / 25 – 35 / Hispanic
Consuela is Justin’s assistant. She looks like a sexual harassment case just waiting to happen with her figure. She exudes sex appeal, but she is very competent and keeps Justin on top of everything at the office. He would be lost without her sharp wit and guiding hand. Sofia Vergara type.

(“sexual harassment case just waiting to happen”???? I don’t even know where to begin with that one. I mean, seriously… also, I love how sex appeal and competency are contradictory in this person’s eyes **NOTE: I was going through the breakdowns and this one was still up ONE MONTH after it was posted. Hmmm, guess they just can’t find that one perfect actor for the part…)

Lead / Female / All Ethnicities / 27-37
**PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND ONLY SUBMIT IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH** CLAIRE-B is one half of the Claire character. She is the ID. She is sassy and smart and enthusiastic and uninhibited. Claire-B will be taking her clothes off and covering her self with cocobutter. She will be rubbing and stroking her breasts and crotch area. **MUST BE COMFORTABLE WITH TOPLESS NUDITY. ALL OTHER NUDITY WILL ONLY BE IMPLIED** **WE WILL WORK WITH YOU ON YOUR COMFORT LEVEL**

(I mean, do they want someone to audition for this part? Covering herself with cocobutter …)


Lead / Female / All Ethnicities / 18-30
Looking for the princess of travel. Spa lover, Mall expert, restaurant connoisseur. Someone that loves the lap of luxury and lives in it always. Big plus if you have the financial backing to support your extravagant life style. Not looking for Actors, we are in search of real people with the love of travel.

(right, cuz what the hell would actors be doing on a site like LA casting reading a post like this?  and, um, stereotype much? I know, I know, there are women like this, but do we really need more “princess” “spa lover” “lap of luxury” types on reality shows right now? yeah, didn’t think so)

So here’s the thing. These characters could very well be great, interesting, deep, layered, or complicated people and they just had unfortunate character descriptions, and they could very well be a part of really great films helmed by really great directors. All I’m saying is, let’s get a little diversity in these types!

Some more Fun Female Breakdowns.

Back to School

12 Sep

I blame it on the heat. Ok, so the heat wave is over but it was really, really hot, and that heat was not conducive to staring at a computer screen, indoors, with no airconditioning, more than I already have to with all my side jobs that actually pay the rent. Alright, fine. I procrastinated. Monday came and went without a post. The truth comes out.

Anyway, with the heat wave gone, Memorial Day past, Halloween stores popping up, it’s very clear that back-to-school time is in full swing. Not that I’m in school, or have been for a while. But this time marker is in my mind for two reasons:

1. One of my rent jobs is teaching and directing highschool theater. All of a sudden there are show posters to design, writing assignments to assign and rehearsals to conduct. In fact, today is the first day of school.

2. I’m applying to grad school. Yup. It’s a terrifying prospect. I’m not exactly sure why. But it’s something I have thought about a lot over the last two years so I finally signed up for the GREs, began writing cover letters to past professors, and going through all the motions to get my applications together. Why the hell are you applying to grad school, you might ask, and for English no less. Are you giving up the dream?? Are you quitting acting?! Calm down. (This is more me talking to myself, really) I’m not. I feel it’s dangerous to make acting the only part of the picture. You only get one life and there’s a lot I’d like to experience in it. I don’t want acting to get in the way. I want to be open to the other inklings that I get in my gut, which draw me one way or another.  School was always one of those. Call me crazy, but I like school. I’m exploring that path. I may not get in. After all, I’m only applying to schools in the LA area– remember, I’m not giving up on acting. But it’s worth a shot!

I think of back to school and fall and I think of another opportunity for new beginnings. An excuse for a clean slate, a starting point. So I’m using this time to not only start a new semester of teaching and to try out for a new adventure (grad school), but also to dive into my other ventures with a renewed vigor.  So. Fall 2011- bring it!