you ever had that experience where your mind is going a mile a minute
and your fingers can’t catch up with what you’re writing, and you look
down at your page or computer screen and see that your sentences don’t
make any sense because you were unable to keep up with your thoughts.
Well, that’s kind of how I’m feeling only with my whole body.
This year has been off to a great start: Producing an original full
length play, which will go up in February. Completing a feature length film,
which I’ve been shooting since July. Starting to film an original web
series, which will launch in June. And a number of other exciting
things- directing a new crop of high schoolers for a spring production
of Shakespeare monologues, sonnets and scenes; a new freelance gig
helping a fellow performance artist get her stuff out there; and a handful of other projects and exciting lunch dates discussing script ideas.
But with only 10 days into the new year where I’ve been working on
ALL of the above mentioned projects has resulted in today: I’m sick. My
body is like “I HATE YOU!” but my mind is like “YAY NEW YEAR”.
Basically my body is trying to play catch up to all of these
awesome things that are going on. And though this is exactly the way I’d
want to kick off the new year- full speed ahead– I do need to remember
that I need to stop and take take some vitamins every once in a while.
can’t believe it. A whole year has gone by already since I launched
this blog. And though I did not post a new post every day, I did keep it
up. The blog survived! I’m going to take that as the first of many
positive things I see happening in 2011. I’ve been feeling it already–
these past few weeks I’ve had an insurmountable sense that 2011 is going
to be the best year yet. I just know it’s going to be good! Not only
for me but those around me. There’s something in the air, I feel it, I
really do. I see challenges, uncertainty and doubt, yes. But I also see
much success this year. And as cheesy or as hippie-dippy as I may sound
right now, this feeling is not unfounded. This past year was the first
year I had both feet in– in LA and in the commitment to a career as an
actor. That also means, this past year I worked my butt off.
I launched this blog! (duh) I co-produced a 3-month long playwright competition, an original full length drama and a multi media comedy show. I starred in an amazing physically and emotionally challenging world premiere play. I got my first theater teaching gig and created and directed my first high school play. I was cast in and started filming an indie feature.
And most importantly, on those days that I doubted my abilities, my
decisions and myself in general, when I thought “what the hell am I
doing with my life” I kept going.
So this year, 2011, I feel even more good things coming my way. I’ve
been paying my dues. Saying yes to every opportunity. Meeting people.
Making art. Working hard.
And what would a new years post be without some new years resolutions: check out my special Actor New Years Resolutions post.
Just because I’ve decided to pursue acting,
does not mean that I’m not afraid of it. Very, very afraid. But I
believe most people starting out in their careers, whatever those may
be, have fears around it. Going after what you want can be a scary
thing. And that’s ok! It’s healthy to have these feelings. In fact, I
think it’s an important part of the beginning stages.
These are some of my fears around acting:
- Will I ever become a successful actor?
- Will I ever make a living off of acting?
- Am I attractive enough?
- Am I good enough?
- Am I talented at all?
- Is my dream really a career or is it actually a hobby?
- Am I wasting my time?
- Are people judging me, as just another actor in LA who’ll never make it?
- Can I survive this lifestyle?
Some days are better than others. Sometimes I will feel so confident
and know that no matter what I will achieve success. And other times all
these fears creep in. But no matter how often I feel afraid, I never
doubt my dream.
What are your fears?